Month: November 2015

Dear Diary …

I think it is high time that I tackle the issue of gender inequality. We strive to make this world a place where all people can have the same opportunity, regardless of their gender. But as I’m sure you know … this doesn’t always happen.

So I think it is time for me … as a man … to rise up and say … NO! We will not stand for this anymore. We will NOT allow our women to continue to have WAY more girls’ nights out than we men have guys’ nights. The inequality must stop!

What? You thought I was going to talk about something else? Like the pay gap between men and women and how women get paid less? Heck no!

And honestly … I don’t know how you ladies haven’t figured out how to win that battle yet, because you kick men’s equality butts in just about everything else. So how are not winning that one, too?

I mean think about it with the going out thing … You ladies have it nailed. You’ve branded it with names like Book Club, and Girl’s Night, and Moms drinking wine at two in the afternoon on a Tuesday while the children keep each other company. Oh sorry … I mean “Play Date.”

And the branding really is the genius. Like “Book Club” … What a great sounding name. Who can say no to Book Club?

“What? You don’t want me to read and be cultured?” How dare you!

But we all know … ain’t no books being read at Book Club. But “Women Making Their Husbands Watch the Kids While We Have Boozy Wine Night,” that’s a much harder sell to get out of the house. So you call it “Book Club” … and nobody says anything.

And don’t even try to tell me that Book Club has anything to do with books. My wife had Book Club last week. You know where it was? At a very loud restaurant where people and eat and drink and don’t really have discussions about literature. What they do have, though, is wine on tap. Hmmmmmm ….

Men … we’re gettin’ stepped all over in this one, and it’s time to fight back.

Now … don’t read me wrong here. I don’t care if you have Boozy Wine Night … sorry … I mean “Book Club.” You do that all you want, we men just need to step it up and do a better job of getting our own nights out.

It’s SO hard to get a bunch of dudes together on the same night. And I don’t blame my wife. She’s cool, and doesn’t mind at all. It’s other people’s wives, because way too many of them are not cool, and are a royal pain in the butt.

You try to plan a get together and next thing you know one friend can’t make cuz he has soccer practice early in the morning, and somebody else’s wife has the sniffles, and somebody else has to pressure wash their patio cuz they promised or whatever … BLAH BLAH BLAH.

And then you always get the one dude who’s wife does the whole “Well all the girls are friends too, how come we can’t get a sitter and all come with you?” Because you can’t! Because you’re not invited! That’s why!

And here’s another rub … we let you go out for Bozzy Wine Night … and then when you’re all hungover the next morning and useless, we take the kids for pancakes while you sweat chardonnay out of your pores. Meanwhile, when men go out it’s “If you think you’re gonna come home late and all drunk, you are getting up with the kids in the morning as your payback.” Why is that the deal?

Well you know what? Zippity zoo to you! And I say that because you can’t say go [[BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP]] on my [[BLEEP]] … cuz then I’m grounded and I’m never going out again.

Men … we need to take back control. We’re going out … now get in there and make me a sandwhich! OK … that’s a really terrible idea actually. We’re not gonna say stuff like that. We don’t need 1952 sad housewife either (though sandwiches ARE delicious, but that’s not the point). We just need to even the playing field a little bit and have a little more balance of girls’ nights and guys’ nights. That’s all.

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.