Dear Diary …
I understand that right now it’s not really feasible to book a doctor’s appointment unless absolutely necessary because … you know … they’re kinda busy and stuff … but my wife may need to get her head examined. I think she might have selective amnesia or something.
Here’s why I think that …
I do the grocery shopping in the house … or as well call it in 2020 … I’m the guy who goes on the Zombie Apocalypse supply runs in hopes of finding a can of beans and not get bitten by the ‘Rona. So when I go to the big scary place … aka “the grocery store” … I’ve got my list of things we need for the boarded up bomb shelter … I mean … “the house” … but I also have my eyes open for other unexpected supplies. And I ain’t hoarding, but if I see a thing of antibacterial hand soap, I’m gonna buy it. I’m not gonna buy 27 of them, but I may pick up one or two.
So when I get back from the zombie supply run and I show my bounty to the wife she says, “OK I don’t think you need to buy anymore hand soap. We already have like three or four.”
Three or four? Woman … are you out of your mind?
Do you not remember this … you know … CORONOAVIRUS thing that’s going on? I mean it was just like three weeks ago that going to the grocery store was like one of those depressing scenes you see on TV when there’s an earthquake in some random third world country and people are flocking around a truck while an aid worker tosses rice in the air. That’s what it’s like!
She may have forgotten this with her selected amnesia, but as the house’s “Rick Grimes … Shopping Leader” … I have NOT. And I don’t care how lame and dorky it is … we are gonna have a one month supply of pretty much everything in the house from now on. And not “from now on in 2020” … I mean like “for evah and evah amen.”
Cuz when this Coronoavirus is over I’m gonna be ready for Dos Equis Disease or Miller High Life Malaria or whatever stupid pandemic comes along. And hopefully none ever come along, but I’m gonna make darn sure I got enough TP in the basement to never have to settle for one-ply again in my entire life.
Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.