Ridin’ the Pain Train

Ridin’ the Pain Train

Dear Diary …

Men and women are different creatures.  There’s is no disputing that.  And for the most part … let’s all be honest here … women are better creatures.  Better looking … better smelling … not as hairy.  We men … we’re gross.  And mostly dumb, too.  I will freely admit that.

That said … there ARE some ways that men are better than women.  So ladies … don’t be gettin’ all mad at me here.  I just said how awesome y’all are.  But you also ain’t perfect.

There is one way that men are, as a whole, better than women.  And this is not up for debate!  I’ve watched it my entire life.  So I ain’t putin’ forth no opinion here … I’m just relaying a fact based on my observation.

When it comes to tedious and unpleasant things … men revert back to their animal instincts.  They hide what’s bothering them from everyone else around them, they find a hidden spot in the woods, and they die there.  We don’t let anybody else know what’s going on and we just hide it from everyone.  

And while from a psychological standpoint that’s probably … like … terrible or something, on the flip side, from a “having to listen to other people’s crap” standpoint … it’s awesome.  You just go over there suffer silently and don’t force the rest of us to have to hear about it. Thank you.

Women on the other hand?  Oh they wanna make sure that they drag you along for the looooong … painfullll …. journey.

My wife has decided to go back to school … and I applaud that decision.  Kickin’ butt and takin’ names!  But it also means that every time she has homework … dumb tedious homework … now I gotta suffer through homework too.  I didn’t sign up for no schoolin’ …. So why I gotta ride the homework pain train?

“Hey do you know how to do this chemistry equation?”

Chemistry equation?  Girl the last time I took chemistry AOL was still cool.  I gotta set reminders in my phone so I don’t forget to pick my kids up from school. You think I’m gonna what C times B over D is gonna equal?  If the answer ain’t “CBD oil” … then I don’t know.

And this is not new … this has been my entire life interacting with women.  I had a girlfriend back in the day who used to call me when she was at work because she was bored.

I’d be home … playing video games and having a blast … and then …

[sigh] “I’m bored.”

OK great … well now I’m bored too!  So now what?  And she’d make me sit there … for what felt like hours.  Because if she was gonna be bored, well then she was gonna make darn well sure that I was bored too.

I don’t know why you ladies insist on it, but you wanna make sure that if you’re miserable in any way, we’re gonna be sharing in that misery whether we like it or not.  And because we’re dumb (and we like nudity), we put it up with it.  [grunt grunt grunt]

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.