The Banana: Nature’s Skank Fruit

Dear Diary …

That’s it … I’m done. I’m not going to stand quietly by while we allow them to keep ruining our lives. Bananas are the single worst fruit in the produce section, and I’m not putting up with them any more!

But why Zack? They’re so cheap?

Yeah … that should tell you something!

Lexuses ain’t cheap. Beyonce ain’t cheap.

Bananas are cheap … because clearly they are the cheap dirty stripper of the produce world.

That’s right … the Skank Fruit.

Well I’m on to you Skank Fruit … you’re done in my house!

Because here’s what happens every time I buy bananas … nobody eats them. They just sit there on the counter, gettin’ all rotten and mooshy and turning themselves into a fantastic breeding ground for fruit flies.

But if I try to throw them out …

“Oh don’t get rid of those … I’ll use them to make muffins. Put them in the freezer.”

You know what my freezer has tons of? Frozen black bananas. Seriously, it looks like some sort of hideous turd storage facility or something. Ain’t got no muffins. Just a bunch of frozen black banana logs.

And yet … despite the fact that nobody eats the bananas, and then they end up in freezer oblivious, what ends up on my shopping list every singe week? Bananas!!!

For what???

Are we actively growing a fruit fly colony for a third grade science fair project that I was unaware of?

And those bananas mock me all the time. Nobody else seems to mind that they sit there on the counter, rotting away, but I do. And I don’t wanna look at ‘em. So I go to move ‘em. And what happens every time I do that ? The stupid bananas immediately tear away from the top and rip open all over the counter.

Hate this fruit!

And let’s say by some miracle somebody actually eats a banana … can we all just agree that it’s simply the most disappointing fruit when it comes to taste? Apples are crispy and juicy. Berries are sweet and refreshing. Bananas are mooshy and weird.

How do you even describe the taste? Banana-y? That’s the best I got.

Think about a fruit salad. What’s the worst thing in that bowl? The banana.

Or how about this … what food goes good with banana?

Fish? Ew.

Spaghetti? No,

Pizza? Dear God no!

You stink banana. Nobody likes you. Go back to the jungle where you came from, Skank Fruit!

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye