Dear Diary …
Last week I had to get my tire fixed because I ran over a nail. About two months ago I had to get a different tire fixed because I ran over a nail. And this is probably the fourth or fifth time in my driving career I’ve had to get a tire fixed because I ran over a nail.
So it brings me to this question … WHERE ARE ALL THESE NAILS COMING FROM???
OK not exactly that … because I get that there’s gonna be random nails laying around on the ground … but what I don’t understand is … how is it so easy to have them jam into your tire?
I mean … in all of the times you’ve been driving down the road … how many times have you seen a nail balancing perfectly and sticking straight up in the air for you to run over? And remember … seeing it in cartoons doesn’t count.
Me? Zero.
And yet you can somehow still have a nail poking right thru the middle of your tire as if that’s exactly what happened. So what sort of voodoo witchcraft is actually happening to make it so?
And while I’m dealing with life’s ridiculous mysteries … can I ask you “yard sale people” a question? And look … you wanna be Yard Sale People? That’s fine. If the thrill of your Saturday is buying other’s people’s curb garbage for a dollar and that brings you joy, then you do you. I’m not here to judge.
But I have to ask … wherever it is that you people come from … do they not have driveways there?
I have to assume they don’t … because every time you come to my neighborhood … you park your car in front of mine. Even if there’s an open space nearby … “Nah … I’d much rather block this driveway instead!”
Do you not understand the rules? Do you only use your car on Saturdays for yard salin’?
“Oh sorry … let me move my car for you.”
Actually … how about you just never put it there in the first place?
Also … browsing of a yard sale is to be done AFTER you park and get out of your car. Not while you are still in your car, in the middle of the road, driving one mile an hour while four cars are stuck behind you.
Till next time Diary … I say … goodbye.