Dear Diary …
We have a lot of really cool inventions and technologies in the world that do great things for people and make life better. At the same time … we have a lot of really dumb and useless ones that do no good for anybody and I don’t even know why they even exist.
Take your computer mouse for example … now the mouse itself is certainly useful and cool … especially a wireless one. But look closely at that mouse … what the heck good are those stupid extra buttons on the top and the side?
And don’t even try to explain to me what they’re SUPPOSED to be good for, because the only thing they ever do is screw you up when you’re using your computer. Here’s what I can best figure out what they do …
That little button on the side is there so you can accidentally hit it with your thumb and have your web browser go back a page, usually erasing whatever it is you were working on at the time. Awesome!
Meanwhile the one on the top is there for scrolling … which would be great if that’s all it did. But, the fact is you can also accidentally click it down and have your scrolling function WILDLY FLY ALL OVER THE PLACE WHEN YOU’RE TRYING TO USE IT!!!
Fantastic! Thanks for those amazing innovations in computing technology!
And while we’re talking computers … I appreciate when you, the computer, send me a notice or a warning message, but once you send it … that’s good enough. My computer had low storage last week, so I got a “Warning … your storage is low.” OK great … thanks … now let me close that and finish up what I wa… “Warning … your storage is low!”
Yes … thank you … I understand that … now let me finish this fir… “Warning … your storage is low.”
And yes … I know my Adobe Flash needs to be updated. You don’t have to remind me every 20 minutes. “Remind me later” means LATER not “Keep bugging the hell out of me until I give in and update it.”
OK … moving on Diary …
I understand that it is political season, so there’s gonna be political ads on TV. I also understand the use of annoying attack ads. I don’t like them, but the simple fact is that they work, so I get why candidates run them.
That said … do you have to run them so stinkin’ much?
I am NOT exaggerating when I tell you this … the other day I was watching TV … commercials come on … and the same attack ad aired FOUR times in a row. FOUR!
So you know what I’m gonna do? Vote for the other guy.
I don’t know anything else about him yet, but I can already tell you that unless he punches old ladies and is mean to puppies … I’m votin’ for him cuz you annoyed me while I was watching Food Network.
And speaking of annoying … If I’m ever in the same room as that Chili’s baby back ribs guy … [singing] “I might just have to punch him right in his face. Cuz he won’t stop talking like this all the time.”
Yeah … I’m sure it’s great for him and his paycheck and his family that they brought him back for another ad campaign, but he … must … stop … talking … now. You wanna run the ad? Fine. But can you stop doing it so dang much? I’m about ready to go vegan just out of spite.
Till next time Diary … I say … [singing] Goodbye to my Anger Diary … I say Goodbye to my Anger Diary.
Ugh … now I’m gonna punch myself. Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.