Dear Diary ..
I used to think I was smart, but then I see some of the things I do and I realize … I’m an idiot. And the reason is because other people have figured out the scam and I haven’t. Dumb!
When I go on vacation or just take a couple days off from work … I do the same stupid thing every time. I go do my thing, but then I check my email, answer my texts, and say stupid things like “if there’s an emergency just reach out and let me know.” What a moron! Because all I’m doing is giving an open invitation to the entire world to hit me up with “I hate to bother you while you’re on vacation … buuuuuuuut …”
Why am I trying to be responsible and helpful? That’s just ridiculous, because meanwhile the rest of you have figured it out. I get this auto reply email all the time …
“I am out of the office and in the woods and don’t have any access to the internet or cell service.”
You know what?
Bravo! You did it. You beat the system.
Let’s be honest here … there’s like two of us out there that are ACTUALLY going into some sort of technology free wilderness, because even the times I have been “out in nature” … I’m still gettin’ a couple bars for service. Cuz … um … you know where they have wifi? The top of Mount Everest!!! So if they have it, I promise you most everybody else has it too.
But what I’m learning is … you’re the only one who knows that. So just make it sound like you’re on an expedition to the Arctic Circle, and now you get to fall off the face of the Earth for a week. It’s genius really and I’m mad at myself for not thinking of it sooner. Granted, now that I’ve opened my stupid mouth, everyone is just going to assume I’m lying and hit me up anyway, “I know you said you’d be unavailable, but just in case you get this ….”
You see? Stupid!! That’s me. Public Idiot #1.
And the other thing I do that is just plain idiotic … The week before I take any time off, I go nutso setting EVERYTHING up for while I’m gone so nobody has to worry about anything. So really I’m not taking any time off since I’m working twice as much that week before just to be “off” that next week. That’s not “off” … that’s just a redistribution of time. Meanwhile everybody just manages to sneak out the back door of life, “Ooooh yeah … can you cover that for me? I’m unavailable.”
So now I’m over here covering their time. What an idiot!
Seriously Diary, I gotta rethink my whole assessment of my intellectual abilities, because I’m starting to think I don’t have any.
Till next time Diary … I say .. Goodbye