Dear Diary …
Alright look … technology has changed the game in a lotta ways and we all just gotta adapt to it. You can’t necessarily do things the way you’ve always done things. And one such thing is watch television. Because the simple reality is … with DVR and on-demand or whatever … not everybody watches TV at the same time.
Some people might watch it an hour later … some people might watch it a day later. So with that in mind … I pass this message along to you … “SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!” When you watch a show … like say “The Walking Dead” … where stuff goes down all the time … You need to STOP immediately running to Facebook and blabbing the details up and down the basketball court.
So of us … meaning “ME” … didn’t watch the episode right away when it was on on Sunday night. I like football … so I was watching that. I also like alcohol … so I was sleepy from enjoy that. I wanne record it and watch it later.
And I’m not asking you for much … I’m going to watch it the next day. You don’t have to zip it for a whole week or anything … not even two days … just ONE … FREAKING … DAY!
I just don’t understand why some people have this immediate urge to overshare every detail of their lives on Facebook. It’s bad enough that I gotta hear about your crappy ex husband or that pus-y boil that’s on your shoulder that you’re not sure if you should pop … now you gotta ruin TV for me too with stupid headlines like “OMG I can’t believe they killed Julio on the Walking Dead!”
And no … there ain’t no Julio on the Walking Dead … and I don’t know if they killed anybody or not because I’m busy trying to live in this ridiculous cone of silence so I can make it to the evening in order to watch this show without having anybody ruin it for me.
And it’s not just Facebook … the internet in general just LOOOVES to spoil things.
And they even do it by saying “SPOILER ALERT: Don’t click here if you don’t wanna know who died on the Walking Dead.” OK one … now you’ve already spoiled it if you say something like that. And two … what do they always do with that “Spoiler Alert” headline that’s supposed to protect you from the details? They put a picture of the character in question as the “here” for the “click here.” Gee I wonder what happened? Idiots.
And furthermore … what’s the point of even writing an article about it? The people who have already seen the show don’t wanna read it, because they already know what happened. And the people who DIDN’T see the show want nothing to do with it because it’s ruining everything!
And screw you Facebook for shoving it in my face … right there on the top of my feed. Trying to ruin everything. And even if you try to ignore the feed … it’s still “Hey … over here! Look down the sidebar to see what’s trending … HAHA gotcha!”
Can’t you all just be quiet for two seconds? Alright maybe a little bit longer … 24 hours … that’s all I’m asking for. You know how they say “Silence is golden?” Yeah … so go be all “golden” and stuff and shut your trap for one day.
Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye