I Don’t Trust You

Dear Diary …

To me … trust is one of the most important things when I’m dealing with other people. If I trust you … then we’re good. Heck we’re GREAT. If we have mutual trust … baby I got your back for just about anything. But if I don’t trust you … forget it. I’ll get along with you, but you are never gettin’ in the inner circle.

So with that in mind … I’m always looking for warning signs that this person may not be somebody I can trust. Now of course there are easy red flags. Person is a liar. Yeah … not gonna trust ‘em. But not every red flag is as blatantly obvious as that.

For example … men who wear bow ties. Don’t trust ‘em. Sure they could be nice people, but there’s something kinda weird about a man in a bow tie. If you’re at a wedding and in a tux, I get it. But just some random day at work with a bow tie? No thank you.

Now let me share a new one with you that I have just noticed …

As you know … it’s been HOT. I mean I like living in the South … 11 months out of the year … but this three to four week span of that late summer? Ugh. It’s the worst. Hot. Humid. Stupid. Dry. Summer. Dead lawns, doo doo flies, and sweaty sticky humans all over the place. Brutal.

Thankfully, one of the saviors of times like these is air conditioning. Cool, refreshing, air conditioning.

So when I am driving down the highway in my wonderfully temperature controlled automobile, and I see someone with all their windows open … I don’t trust ‘em one bit. I mean if it’s 72 degrees and you’re tooling down a side street with your arm out the window on a Sunday afternoon … that’s one thing. But if it’s 98 degrees with 100% humidity … How in the world can you be OK with having your windows down on the highway?

There’s just something wrong with that person and I can’t trust them.

“Oh my car is old … the AC is broken.”

Not good enough of an excuse there you. I drove an 18 year old piece of garbage for a car that had leaks dripping out of every hole and the whole smelled like old farts. But you know what it still had? Air conditioning!!!!

And how can you even drive like that? When your window is down on the highway and you’re going 70 miles an hour … all that loud wind in your face is ridiculously distracting. Heck … that wind even hurts when it’s whackin’ upside your skull for a few minutes. So now I can’t even trust you to drive properly.

You’re not focused on the road! You can’t even keep your eyes fully open because Mother Nature is busy giving you a beatdown on the side of your head. When I see that car, I get away from them as fast as I can, because feel like at any moment they’re gonna just go flyin’ all over the place and run me off the road.

Sorry … don’t trust ya. You might be perfectly fine to hang out with once or twice, but we ain’t never gettin’ any closer than that.

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.

Ice Ice Baby

Dear Diary …

People are dumb. Harsh … I know, but also fairly accurate. Understand though … I don’t say this as an insult (and if you do think it’s an insult … wellllll … you might wanna take stock in your life).

Anyway … my point is that when you come in with this assumption that people are dumb, things are actually BETTER. This is because when you expect everyone to be a big dodo, and somebody does something smart, well now you are pleasantly surprised by the situation and feel really good about mankind. Meanwhile … if you assume people are smart … Well they’re gonna let you down ALL the time.

So I’m saying it’s OK to assume people are a little dumb. However … let’s not go overboard here. Specifically I’m looking at you … person who handles the traffic flow in a construction zone.

The other day I’m at one of these, and the dude’s in the road stopping traffic. OK … fine. So then he finishes and walks to the side of the road. OK … here we go … line starts to move.

And all of a sudden this dude just starts wavin’ his hand at all of us. Yes I know we can go now, you dummy. I kinda figured that out when you moved out of the road.

Or like when they have their little stop sign, and they flip it around to slow. That’s good enough! And they’re always wavin’ their hands like somehow you’re inconveniencing them by taking too long. The sign says “SLOW” ya dingbat … how fast do you expect me to make it through? Would you like me to run over your foot to truly show my sense of urgency???

We get it. It’s time for us to start driving again. If we can’t figure that out without your little hand wave, we should have our licenses taken away anyway!!!

OK … moving on Diary … doing some travelling last week, that of course means staying in many different locations, visiting people’s houses, etc. etc. And here’s what I’ve learned … too many people do not understand the importance of ice.

When you come to my house … there’s plenty of ice. Need a drink? There’s ice. Heck … wanna fill a cooler? There’s ice!

I guess I’m in the minority though, cuz I go to my one friend’s house … and the first kiss of death is that there’s no ice maker. Ahhh crap … we’re not gonna have enough ice.

But I tell myself … “Now Zachary, don’t be negative, they at least have a bunch of ice cube trays in their freezer.”

Yeah … TRAYS! But ice? Not so much!

One tray has like four cubes in it, and the rest … EMPTY!!!!!

What kind of human puts an empty ice cube tray back in the freezer?????

When I was a kid … and I am not making this up … we didn’t have an ice maker, but my Dad made darn sure we had ice cubes in the trays. If you took an ice cube and didn’t refill the hole … that was a 25 cent fine … per hole. I was 6 years old … that was like all my money in the world!!!

But you know what I did? I MADE ICE!!!!!! So if a 6 year old can do it … so can you!!!

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.