Black Friday Is Dead

Dear Diary …

So we’re about to enter that time of year again where I always ask myself the same question … “Where the heck do all these people come from?”

I don’t get it. We spend 11 months out of the year with the same crowds and traffic patterns, and then all of a sudden in the month of December it feels like there’s about a million more people crawling all over the place.

And I’m not talking about crowds at the malls or something … that makes sense. It’s holiday shopping time, so of course people are doing more shopping than normal. But suddenly there’s also a huge line at the drugstore, Taco Bell, and pretty much just everywhere you turn … people.

Who are these people? And where are they the rest of the year?

I go out and drive around at three o’clock in the afternoon on a Tuesday in July and it’s dead, but make that same drive on a Tuesday in December and suddenly there’s people all over the place.

Who are you???

And where do you go in January?

Do you live in caves up in the hills and you only descend to Christmas ornaments and peppermint flavored things? And is that what you live off of when you hibernate for the rest of the year? I wanna know the answer to the mystery!

And while we’re talking holidays, can I just go ahead and give the eulogy for Black Friday? Cuz it is dead.

Now … not that I was ever gonna be one of those people shoulder-blocking old ladies out of the way for a $20 television, but I will admit there was some charm to this big huge shopping day where everybody got crazier than a cuckoo clock and the deals were insanely awesome. Again … I wasn’t going out there, but I did at least like to hear about it.

But now? I’ve already been hearing for two weeks … “The Black Friday deals have already started and go ALL month long!”

Well then guess what? That means Black Friday don’t matter anymore cuz it’s the same at 29 other days.

You had to ruin it. You had to get all greedy and try to get more sales. So you scaled it back to Thanksgiving. And then … you scaled it back to the Monday before Thanksgiving. And now it’s the whole month.

Well … rest in peace Black Friday. You’re dead.

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.

That Dang Charger

Dear Diary …


I get it … whether we like it or not, we are tied to technology more and more every single day of our lives.  And really, you can’t fight it.  I remember back in the day when smartphones first became a thing, and I said “I’m never getting one of those.  I don’t want to be tied to my phone.  I have everything I need with my flip phone.”


But now I NEED that thing to get through my day to day life, and in addition to that, when I see someone that still has a flip phone I also assume they have one of those old people walkers with the tennis balls on the end of the poles. Get with the times man!


And there’s so many great opportunities thanks to technology.  I mean … you can make a million dollars in your basement on YouTube.  OK … I can’t make a million dollars in my basement on YouTube, but nine year olds totally can.  So bravo for that!


Speaking of nine year olds … or kids in general … that’s where part of my rant comes in today.  Our kids are totally tied to technology.  And I’m not even here to complain about that.  It is what it is and I’m just trying to raise them the best I can in this robot world.


But what I can complain about is that these kids are surrounded by technology, and they treat ALL of it like crap.  They got no respect for the stuff at all.


Every single nine year old on earth says “I want an iPhone.”  Meanwhile … they can’t even keep track of where they left their shoes.  So now I’m expected to pay a thousand dollars for you to have a phone that you will undoubtedly drop, break, lose, spill stuff on and everything in between.


“I broke it.   Can I have another one?”


You get outta here with this.  At the risk of sounding like some sort of old curmudgeon from a 1970’s sitcom … you kids go get a job in the mines to pay for your little iPhoney-madingles if you want ‘em so badly!


Here’s one I can’t stand … so my kids have iPads.  Yeah … I know.  Spoiled.  Look … I lost control of the house years ago.  Don’t judge me.  Pity me.


Anyway … it drives me NUTS the way they handle these things … especially when it comes to the cords … charger … headphone … whatever.  They just jam them into the holes as hard as they possibly can, and then YANK ‘em out with reckless abandon as well.  I’ve already had to pull broken headphone jacks out of the holes … not to mention the fact that their charger ports have become these loosey-goosey wobbly little connections that barely hold on.


And tell ‘em every day … do NOT  to touch the things, and let me do it.  But do they listen?  No.  “Sorry … I forgot.”


And this noise [DING] … has become the bane of my existence.


That’s the noise when my son’s charger is plugged in. [DING]


And this is noise of when it gets unplugged. [DING]


And I know this because he sits there messing with the thing over and over again.  I’ll be downstairs in the living room and he’s up there in his room … [DING] … [DING]


Hey stop touching that thing!


“I’m not doing anything!”




Stop it!






I swear to you one of these days I’m just going to smash the thing on the ground in a fit of rage so I never have to hear that sound again.


Oh who am I kidding?  I’m not gonna do that, because then he’s just going to expect a new one.  And I’m gonna buy it because I’m an idiot.  So whatever … you win.  I lose.  Don’t listen to a word I say.


Till next time Diary … [DING] … Oh would you cut it out! … I say [DING] … Sigh … Goodbye