The Kids Never Leave

Dear Diary …

We’re getting to the end of the year, so that means many of us are lucky enough to take a little bit of a vacation. I am fortunate enough to one of those people. And yet … I’m still gonna complain about it.

Don’t get me wrong … I am happy for the time off and I am grateful that I get to take it, because I know other people don’t have the same opportunity. That said … I have one problem with all of this … the children.

Cuz they’re … THERE.

Except for ONE day … ONE measly day … the rest of my ENTIRE vacation … those kids are out of school. And when I have time off from work, they are ALWAYS off from school.

And before you say … “You know the school calendar. Just don’t take off the same time as them.”

Yeah … it ain’t that simple. Because even when they are supposed to have school, they end up not having school. I was off last Monday. And what did we get? 15 and a half inches of snow … that’s what!

Last winter I took a week off in March … the kids had four snow days and one delayed day that week. And this happens EVERY time.

Look … I like these kids. I mean … I LOVE these kids. But Daddy also needs some me time. Because when I don’t get me time, I AM NOT FUN DADDY!!!

The biggest problem here is because of my job, I can only take time off in the summer or the winter. I won’t bore you with the details, that’s just the way it is. So the summer (of course) that’s a lost cause because they’ve got nowhere else to be. And in the winter … well … we only really go to school around here for about 27% of the winter. So it’s really hard to try to plan your days off around the weather. And let’s be honest … sometimes the weather doesn’t even matter around here.

“Oh it might be cold in the morning? OK … NO SCHOOL!!”

Ugh. Is it too much for a father to ask to have his children disappear every now and then? And I mean I want ‘em to come back … just disappear AT SCHOOL every now and then.

Moving on Diary … since we’re on the topic of kids … let me just present something to you because I don’t really even know how to deal with this Jedi Mind Control torture my son was putting on me the other day.

You see Diary … he wants to have a playdate. ALL the time. And I’m happy to have these playdates when possible, but he makes a lot of unreasonable and impossible requests like … “I want to have a playdate at …” (You know … insert whatever kid name you want here … we’ll go with Neal … which I understand is not really a kid’s name … but I just think it’s fun to say.)

Anyway … “I want to have a playdate at Neal’s house.”

OK … well … that’s up to NEAL’S parents. I can’t just knock on their door and be like, “Hey, my kid wants to come over. Thanks … bye!”

You gotta ask NEAL these questions. Not me.

But he don’t understand that, and just keeps ridin’ me all the time. “But I wanna go to Neal’s house!” Yeah … well guess what … I want you to go to Neal’s house too, but that ain’t up to me!!

So here’s what happens … he’s sittin’ there the other day … and guess who calls? Neal’s mom! And she wants him to come over!

“Hey … guess what buddy? Neal wants you to come over for a playdate. Whaddya say?”

And you know what he says?

“Hmmmm … let me think about it”

WHAT THE F&@&$&$#~!!!!!

OK, now you’re just screwing with me! I don’t even think he likes these kids, he just wants to mess with my mind!

That’s all I got … no other explanations or observations. Just mental torture.

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.