Dear Diary …
Today I’m going to help protect you by exposing some of the biggest scammers in the world … Old People. Yeah that’s right … old people are running more scams than the Prince of Nigeria!
And what’s wild about it is that old people get scammed themselves ALL THE TIME … you’d think they’d be smart enough not to fall for such shenanigans since they are such big shenanigan creators in the first place!
They run all sorts of scams … the biggest and most legendary one is the one I’ve mentioned many times before … the “Oh Is This the Line?” scam. They LOVE to pull this one when there’s a big ol’ line, and they just wander to the front of it, acting all confused … “Oh is this the line?”
Yes Gertrude … this is the line. You’ve been standing in lines since you got here at the Statue of Liberty … you know exactly what a line looks like!!! And they do it because they just figure that you’re gonna let them stay there because they’re old or you’re too afraid to say anything and then you have been scammed.
Here’s another one they run … it’s the “I don’t understand this new fangled way of doing something.” Straight up lie! They totally understand how to do whatever it is … they just want to act like they don’t so YOU have to do it for them.
My mother used to pull this all the time when she would make me go to the mall to buy stuff for her because “I never go to the mall.” Look lady … none of us go to the mall … until we NEED something from the mall. Then … we go to the mall!
Same with online shopping. “Oh I don’t shop online … can you pick these things up for me on Amazon?” But you DO shop online … if I’m getting it for you, then YOU are online shopping!
Another one to look out for is the “I don’t trust something” scam. Again … just another excuse to make things more convenient for them and WAY less convenient for you.
“Oh well I don’t trust online banking.” Yes … of course … Fortune 500 companies use online banking every single day and uber rich people like Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk do the same … but yes … all the hackers in Russia are waiting … just waiting for that one random 62 year old to finally use online bill pay in Southwest Virginia. You’re totally the target they’ve been waiting for their entire hacker lives!
I mean I know why you do it … seven years ago you got suckered into buying way too many checks from that little coupon in the Val-Pak and now you’re just trying to use up all 10,000 of your kitty cat checks. Plus, you also know people like me forget to cash checks all … the … time … so you know there’s also a really good chance you’ll get to stiff me for the money you owe me.
Just get a Venmo and get over yourself!
Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye