Unclue Zack’s House of Truth Bombs

Dear Diary …

Hello there! Allow me to introduce you right now to a brand new wing of the Anger Diary World … it’s called “Uncle Zack’s House of Truth Bombs.”

And yes … I understand that in many ways all of Anger Diary World could be considered Uncle Zack’s House of Truth Bombs, but all these movie franchises get away with having “The Marvel Universe” so they can make billions and billions of dollars off the same concept. So I’m gonna do the same thing.

Which, in fact, brings me to the first Truth Bomb. Marvel movies are not that good.

And I know what you’re about to say …

“AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Why you say such poop mouth things??? Poop mouth!!!”

Look … let me be clear … the Marvel Universe is ingenious. It is a multi-billion dollar empire. More successful and better executed than anything I could ever even dream of doing in my own life.

But deep down at the core … they ain’t that good.

Yeah they got big names … and cool special effects … and lots of action … but the movies are … actually just put it this way … “the movie” is a big bowl of fine.

And I say “the movie,” because there’s really only one that’s been repackaged 27 million times.

I mean let me describe a particular Marvel movie to you and see if you can guess which one it is. Ok here we go … there’s this guy. Kinda just hasn’t found his place in life yet, when all of a sudden something happens and he realizes that he now has some kind of superpower.

Meanwhile, there’s this other guy. He’s kinda like the first guy, except he’s BAD. Something happened to him wayyyy back in the day and now he’s really mad about it and he’s gonna take it out on humanity to teach them a lesson that this is what happens when you mess with ME!

And there’s only one person that can stop him. The first guy. The good guy. But he’s not sure if he wants to get involved.

Meanwhile … there’s this really special person to the good guy. Maybe a girl. Maybe his Mom. Maybe his Uncle who helped raise him like he was his own.

Well the bad guy kills that person. So now the good guy gets all mad too. Rises up and saves the world from the bad guy.

The End.

OK … which Marvel movie did I just describe?

The answer?


And yes … sometimes they’re slightly different or it’s like Avengers movie and they just throw 27 good guys fighting 27 bad guys and you don’t even know which end is up with all these people flying all over the place for 3 and a half hours … but deep down … it’s still “the movie.”

Again … it’s OK to like it. I like Doritos. They aren’t good for you on any level. But for empty enjoyment … they delicious.

So just sit back and eat your Doritos. And the sequel to the Doritos. And the trilogy to the Doritos. And the reboot of the Doritos. And the original story. And … Oh you get the point.

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.

Who’s the Dumbest Person In the World?

Dear Diary …

I am here to definitively answer the following question … Who’s the dumbest person in the world?

And believe it or not, even with billions of people on this earth, there actually is one correct answer to this question.

So … who’s the dumbest person in the world?


Yup. You.

If you have kids … there is no bigger idiot in the world than you … their parent.

I have no doubt that even Albert Einstein … smartest guy … like … ever … little Hans Einstein was probably, “I already know that!”

I can tell my kid something … straight up factual … won’t believe me. But if Mr. Squeaky on Tik Tok says it … “oh man did you hear what Mr. Squeaky said? He’s so smart!” I already said that!

And it’s not that every other kid thinks you’re the dumbest person in the world. Just your kid. I coach baseball. So let me give you a little multiple choice pop quiz … Here we go …

Three kids … No names … so see if you can identify my kid …

Kid A … “Hey I need to you to make this change in your swing so you can hit the ball better.” OK coach … you got it!

Kid B … “Hey I need to you to make this change in your swing so you can hit the ball better.” Yes sir … thank you sir!

Kid C … “Hey I need to you to make this change in your swing so you can hit the ball better.” … I’m doing it already!

Well I’m glad we could have these special times together on the baseball field.

Hey you know what else is dumb … Why do we unplug the toaster?

I mean I know WHY we say we do it … “Oh I wanna be safe … don’t want the house to burn down.”

And that’s great in theory, except for the fact that we leave EVERY OTHER THING IN THE HOUSE PLUGGED IN AT ALL TIMES!

None of those things seem to bother us, but somehow we treat the toaster like it’s an old unexploded land mine from World War 2.

Ooooof … OK … that’s unplugged. We’re safe now!

I mean that’s probably why our kids think we’re stupid, cuz they see us do stupid stuff like that.

Till next time Diary … I say … goodbye.

Dining Difficulties

Dear Diary …

Common sense. This should be an easy one. We should all have it. But obviously … we do not.

Now I could spend the next month talking about all the ways we lack common sense, but I only got like four minutes, so let’s narrow it down to some food-related stuff … specifically when we are at restaurants.

First … to the restaurants … can we get a little more common sense when it comes to appetizers? Now, I understand that this is just an appetizer … something to start off the meal with a little munch munch munch … and then on to the main course. But … is it too much to ask to have an even number of things on the plate?

I’m sick and tired of going to a restaurant, ordering an appetizer, and getting five items on a plate. What the heck you gonna do with five of anything? If there’s two of you … there’s one left over. And if there’s three of you … now you’re one short. Now we gotta sit here like idiots trying to figure out what to do with these things.

“Hey is this one yours?”

“I don’t know … how many have you had?”

“You just go ahead and take it. It’s fine.”

“No. You do it. I insist.”

Ugh! Just put six on the plate and we don’t have this problem. Common sense people … this should be easy!

Here’s another one … if you’re a restaurant that serves bread before the meal, there is no reason why any of you should serve it alongside cold, impossible to spread, bread-ripping butter. Who the heck wants that? Room temp butter … Soft and spreadable. This should be a no-brainer!

OK … on to you … the diner. When I go out to eat and I look at the menu, I often think to myself, “who in their right mind orders this particular entree?”

Like when you’re at an awesome steakhouse … what do you think you should order? If you answered “steak,” then you are able to state the obvious. And yet, there it is … on every steakhouse menu … some sad entree of grilled boneless skinless chicken breast with something like teriyaki sauce and a boring mixed vegetable.

Who orders that? OK … I get it … not everybody likes steak … but there’s gotta be SOMETHING else you can order that doesn’t scream “boring Tuesday dinner at home when you’re on a diet.”

That’s like going to a restaurant and saying … “Yes, I believe I will have a pre-cooked rotisserie chicken from the deli. Oh … and do you have a bottle of store bought barbecue sauce that I could use to dip it in?”

You’re in a restaurant. Take advantage of that fact and let them make you something that you can’t really make at home. And then the kick on the teeth is that these are the same people that at the end of their meal say, “Ehhhh … that dinner was only OK.” Gee … who’s fault is that???

You ordered boring. And the restaurant delivered boring. Don’t get mad at them for delivering the lousy thing you ordered.

Common sense, people … This is not rocket science around here!!!

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.