Bad Bedroom

The Bad Bedroom

Dear Diary …

Clearly there are some rules in this world that I don’t know about. They aren’t published in any law or rule book, they don’t necessarily make any kind of practical sense, and they aren’t even discussed. And yet … they are there.

For example … There simply MUST be an unwritten rule that all vacation houses that are available for rent are required by unspoken law that one bedroom within the home MUST be terrible.

Every single vacation home I have ever looked at is the same. If there are 4 bedrooms, three of them are decent, and then the 4th one is the one nobody wants. Just booked a place … first bedroom … king bed master suite … great. Next two bedrooms … queen beds … fine. Bedroom number 4? One twin bed. WHY????

I’m convinced the most popular TV show in heaven is a reality show called “Bad Bedroom.” It’s produced by … well … God. And everybody in heaven gathers round to watch “Bad Bedroom” where living couples down on Earth try to figure out who gets stuck with the lousy bedroom in the vacation home. There’s no other reasonable explanation … it HAS to be that!!

It’s as if it’s human nature to just ruin things even though you don’t have to. Like the fact that way too many people try to cheat when they are having hypothetical conversations. Not even real … and yet here we are … trying to destroy the whole conversation.

And what I’m talking about are the people who refuse to play along when you are playing fake games like … “You come across a genie who will grant you one wish. What do you wish for?”

And since we already know people are cheaters, you have to first say “and you’re not allowed to wish for an unlimited number of wishes.” And even when you say that, this weasel will say, “OK well then I wish for the genie to show up each day for a new wish.” NO! You can’t do that!!

Why is it so hard to just play along with the game? It’s not even real! At no point in your life is a genie ACTUALLY going to grant you anything because YOU ARE NOT ALADDIN! So just have some fun with it.

If I ask you “What’s the first thing you would buy if you win the lottery?” don’t be the annoying person that says, “Well I would set up a charitable foundation to help build houses for people who were born with only nine toes.” Would you just say “buy a Ferrari” and move on? You can set up your little charity on day four … but can you at least admit to me that you’re gonna first go to Vegas for the weekend and pull your pants down in the middle of the casino and yell “I’m King of the World!” first?

Me? I’m gonna buy that giant wheel of cheese … the one that hangs in the netting and is way too expensive to ever buy whole … I’m gonna buy it .. and then I’m gonna sit on the floor of the store … in my underwear … and just take a big bite out of it.

I’m King of the World!!!

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.