Do Your Homework

Dear Diary …

I’m down with Freedom of Speech. And I don’t mean, “Down with Freedom of Speech!” I’m good. Fine. Freedom of Speech … yay. Of course I am. It’s what makes this country great. You’re allowed to say pretty much whatever is on your mind. That said … we definitely don’t have “Freedom of Consequences,” so if you say something stupid, well then you gotta deal with the fallout from it.

So initially I was gonna come in here today and say that we needed to ban a certain phrase and not allow people to use it anymore, but then I would just be squashing Freedom of Speech and that would be wrong. So instead, I would just like to encourage all of us to punish the heck out of anyone that dares use this phrase anymore. Shun them, mock them, publicly embarrass them. Whatever it takes to get them to never say “Do your homework” ever again.

Now to clarify … if you are a parent and you are telling your kid, “Hey … do your homework,” that’s perfectly acceptable and forever allowed. This is for annoying know-it-alls on social media that like to chime in on your posts to correct one TINY little factoid or tidbit to try to make themselves look like the smartest person in the room.

[Jerky tone] “Do your homework”

And I don’t even have to hear them in real life to know that is exactly how it sounds when it comes out of their mouth.

Ugh … my God … these people drive me crazy.

Look … I’m in a job where we talk about stuff. All stuff. Life, relationships, parenting, health, politics … whatever. I am a normal human talking to other normal humans and it is absolutely impossible for me to be an expert on every single topic, and what I don’t need is you chiming in with, “One thing you said wasn’t 100% correct … do your homework.”

Well well well … looks like somebody used Wikipedia. Congratulations to you Smarty Pants!

And furthermore … I don’t wanna do homework. I’m a grown-up now. I already went to school. And you know what? Homework stunk! I didn’t wanna do it then, and I sure as heck don’t wanna do it now when I’m not getting graded on it!

“Do your homework.”

Be quiet, nerd! You do it!

Moving on Diary … since we’re talking about things like school and homework, can I just go ahead and flip the deuces to the world of colleges and universities? Because you’re warped sense of logic about how money works is insane.

I went to a school in upstate NY called Ithaca College, and every single month I get something from them in the mail asking me to make a donation to the school so I can “help a student learn to blah blah blah” or whatever.

Let me point something out … It currently costs $42,000 a year for Little Johnny to go to school there and they have 6,000 students. So this place is currently making $252 million a YEAR, and yet I’m supposed to donate money to them? For what? A yacht to film rap videos on?

Now I know not every kid is paying full price … but you get my point … the school ain’t starvin’ to death or anything. Not mention the fact that Little Johnny gets to deal with crushing student loan debt for God knows how many years of his life. If anything, I should be donating directly to HIM. He’s the one who needs the money.

This is like your boss saying … yeah … um … thanks for working here. Instead of paying you, we’d like you to make a donation to US so we can make more money. No!

This system is messed up and should be completely smashed on the ground and destroyed so we can start over with more reasonable costs for all of this.

Till next time Diary … I say … goodbye.