Dear Diary …
This is one of my favorite weeks … Thanksgiving. You know me … I love food. And this is the day dedicated to food!
Not only that, but it’s also the day that isn’t dedicated to any gifts. So none of the added chores and bills of Christmas … just the food. Not to mention a football tripleheader … so this is perfect.
So with that in mind, I want Thanksgiving to be the best it can possibly be, so I offer all of you one piece of wonderfully helpful advice. And I say this in the most loving and caring way possible … just … shut … UP.
And I get it … “shut up” is a strong term … lot of us don’t like using it and we tell our kids not to say it, but I feel like “please be quiet” doesn’t get my point across strongly enough that y’all need to shut up.
Why you talking on Thanksgiving? This is the time to celebrate a delicious bounty of food, drink, and football … not a time to lean into ANY of your political beliefs. That’s what Facebook’s for … go be angry over there.
And it’s not just talking about things like that … don’t talk about the food. Don’t be that person that’s all “well when I was growing up, we didn’t do it that way” or “maybe you should carve the turkey this way.” Shut up! Not your house … not the time. You don’t like it? Don’t come. Stay home and you can do it YOUR way every single time.
And I don’t need your bombshell announcements either! Look … you can sleep with whomever you want, or drop out of college, or get a divorce, or tell off Uncle Reggie for being a piece of crap … just don’t do it at the Thanksgiving table!
Who in their right mind thinks … “Look at this wonderful meal that took all day to prepare and celebrates thanks and love … Hey you know what? Let me ruin it by making a big unpleasant announcement nobody sees coming!”
Man … there’s a LOT of Tuesdays on the calendar that already stink because they’re Tuesday. Do it then while we’re standing around and eatin’ leftover pizza over the sink. That’s unpleasant bombshell time!
So look … I know you got all them feelings bottled up in side and you just wanna get ‘em out … so kindly remember these three little words … just … shut … UP! Ruin Flag Day … ain’t nobody worried about Flag Day poppin’ off smoothly. Go over there.
Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye