I Don’t Know Me at All

I Don’t Know Me at All

Dear Diary …

They always say “with age comes wisdom” … Which I guess means that the older you get, the more you learn stuff. And while I agree that most young people are stupid (it’s OK young people, I too was stupid when I was young people. It’s fine.) … I’m not sure if you get any smarter as you get older.

In my [mumbles] years on this planet I’ve finally learned one thing. I don’t know myself. At ALL. You’d think I would. I spend all day and all night with myself. I even get to read my own thoughts. And still … I don’t think I know a dang thing about this person.

I have one of those big ol’ chest freezers in my basement. All sorts of stuff in there … steaks … chicken … desserts … fully cooked and ready to eat meals … at least I think all that stuff is in there, because every time I go down to that freezer to find something, the only stuff on top is stupid. Everything I need is ALL the way on the bottom.

I mean … what idiot loaded this thing in the first place? Oh … wait … this idiot. How is it that I know this little about myself that the top of this freezer is filled with things I never wanna use anytime soon? And even when I pull the whole thing out and rearrange it … It still ends up this way!

Or when I take care of stuff. You would think I would know where I need to have things in order to remember where they are and find them easily, right? Nope! Diary … do you know where my checkbook is right now? No … seriously … do you know where my checkbook is right now because I can never find that stupid thing. And every time I find it I put it in a different place I can never remember.

Or when I make plans … I really don’t think I know myself, or at the very least I grossly overestimate my desire to do stuff. Diary … I have a day coming up in a couple weeks where my wife and daughter are out of town, my son is sleeping over a friend’s house, and I am going to be all alone. By myself. On a Saturday night.

So what do I do? Text a friend and say “Hey you wanna come over that night and hang out?”


Why do I do this to myself??? I know darn well that I’m gonna wish I was home all by myself, and to be clear … I HAD THAT CHANCE. And I ruined it. ME! Nobody else. Stupid stupid me.

This is why I need an assistant. I have no doubt that that person will know me better than me. Cuz I don’t know squat.

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.