I Will Never Take My Children Here Again

I Will Never Take My Children Here Again

Dear Diary …

Throughout our lives I think we all have times where we learn things about ourselves … specifically the things we need to avoid because they don’t set us up for success. Like maybe you learn that you can’t do tequila shots because you wake up in the woods and your pants are missing. Or you learn that you can’t do things like answer the question “Whatcha thinkin?” when your wife asks it, because the real answer only gets you in trouble.

For me … I’ve recently learned that in order to be a good parent, I cannot take my children to a drive thru to get food because it never ends well. Why? Because these children don’t know how to do it!

Without fail … EVERY single time we stop at a drive-thru they act like food has never been invented until today. OK kids … what do you want?


“Well what do they have?”

Food! They have food! This is McDonald’s. You know … the place with the burgers. You see the commercials. You’ve been here before. They have those things that they had the last time you were here!!

[[long pause]]

What are you doing?!?!!?

“I’m looking at the menu.”

Well how long is that going to take?!?!?!

“You’re rushing me.”

Yes I’m rushing you! I’m rushing you because this is fast food, and we got 27 people behind us and everybody has to use the drive-thru now so we’re trying to do this as fast as possible so we aren’t “those people” who are holding up the line and God forbid wake up some sort of “Karen Beast” in one of the cars behind us.

“Well I don’t know what to get!”

Well I’m going to have to get some ibuprofen so I can make it through this ordeal!

See? Like I said … I realized that I’m not cut out as a parent to take them to the drive-thru. And at home it’s not an issue … I can just go get it myself and bring it back to them. But when it’s a road trip? I’m doomed!

Ahhh … the road trip. Or as my kids like to treat it “the long distance shopping spree of millions of stops and treats.”

They act like a road trip is just one long episode of Supermarket Sweep where they can buy all sorts of snacks, drinks, meals, and souvenirs. Do they not understand how crucial it is to make good time? Do they not understand that that’s woven into the fabric of a Dad’s DNA when on a road trip?

“Well the next time we stop I’m getting a drink.”

There is no next time! We just stopped. We bought food.

“Well I have to pee now.”

You just told me you didn’t have to go!

“Well I didn’t have to until just now!”

That’s it! Forget it. I always said I wanted invisibility or being able to fly as my superpower … NOPE! I definitely need teleportation because I can’t handle this anymore. And until then? Zoom vacations!

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye