I’m Taking a Break

Dear Diary …

“I’m taking a break from social media.” … This might be the single most untrue and unnecessary statement anyone has ever made.

1) It’s not true. Anybody who says “I’m taking a break from all the drama of social media” … That is the person who is causing all of the drama on social media. And even if they tell you that hate it, that’s a lie too. They LOVE it. They live for the drama. Because …

2) If you truly did want to end drama, you’d never say this statement in the first place. People who truly don’t like drama DON’T TALK ABOUT DRAMA … because that alone … is DRAMA.

If you really wanted to leave, you’d just … LEAVE. Nobody ever declares … “Hey everybody I’m gonna disappear and hide from the law.” (Well … the people that get caught might, but no halfway decent fugitive would ever say that.)

Any you know what else these people do? They still check social media.

“Hey just logging on to let everybody know that I’m still taking a break from social media”

Uhhh … no. It does not work that way! Alcoholics don’t meet you out for a cocktail to let you know that they still ain’t drinkin’. You broke the seal. Your streak is over. And furthermore … you never left. You probably just went camping for a couple days and didn’t have cell access anyway.

You wanna leave? Fine. Then just leave. We don’t need to hear about it. If you actually wanted to leave, that’s what you’d be goin for anyway.

OK … moving on Diary …

You know me. I like rule. Good rules. Actual rules that help keep people in line and prevent stupid people from having too much responsibility. That said, we have WAY too many useless rules. Rules that don’t really accomplish anything. And furthermore, we have people that actually make it their life’s goal to uphold these useless rules.

I was at the airport this past weekend, so I do what everybody does when they fly … look like an idiot who has to take half their clothes off to go through security. Now to be clear … these are rules I’m OK with. Am I mad that one shoe bomber has inconvencied the rest of humanity for an eternity by having to take their shoes off at the airport? Yes. Yes I am.

At the same time, if that’s what keeps me safe. So be it. If I gotta take my pants off, put my thump in my butt, and sing Yankee Doodle Dandy to guarantee that no terrorists are on my plane … fine. I’m willing to make that sacrifice.

At the same time, when I unload all of my belongings and Iput them in 3 giants plastic bins, what I don’t need is a TSA agent who says … “Sir … you need to put your keys, wallet, and phone in a smaller white bin instead of that slightly larger gray bin.”

Oh???? So the magical tiny white bin somehow helps get my wallet through security better than the somewhat larger gray bin?”

What are we doing here? Why are we wasting our time with this? And why does this person care at all?

It’s what I always ask myself when I gotta deal with government employees who harp on paperwork all day. “Well sir … this is form 27B, but then you need to fill out the supplement form 27C that has all the exact same information on it, but has a different label at the top.”

Do you even like yourself when you go home at night? What do you do on the weekends … measure the length of people’s lawns to make sure they fit into the regulations of the homeowner’s associations?

Actually … that’s probably EXACTLY what they do, because they love useless rules. Here’s a crazy idea … try “fun” some time. Because it’s actually … FUN. YAnd you never know … you could even like it once or twice.

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.