New Laws In Zackmerica

Dear Diary …

As you know, I’m eventually taking over. And you also know, the Kingdom of Zackmerica is going to be a lovely place. But in order for that to happen, some changes are gonna have to be made. Some people may not like a lot of these changes, but those people are also getting a one way ticket out of Zackmerica. I hear Craptown is lovely this time of year!

The reality is, the way we do a lot of things is wrong, and King Zack is here to change them. I mean, I think we can all agree that the main purpose of a road is to have cars drive down it, right? Cars go in one direction. Cars go in the other direction.

Now … some roads are large enough to have cars park on them at the same time. However, some roads are not, and yet we allow people to park there anyway.

Not in Zackmerica! There will be NO more parking on both sides of tiny streets!!!

I am sick and tired of trying to squeeeeze down this narrow little strip of road while people’s cars are just sittin’ there on both sides, praying I don’t whack side mirrors with somebody’s big dumb SUV. This is not an alley! Why are we making it feel like one??

Any God forbid somebody comes in the other direction … now we are having some ridiculous standoff as we try to figure out who can jam their car into an open hole to let the other one drive thru.

No! No more! If your street is narrow and tiny … then you only get one side to park.

“But where will I put my car??”

Don’t care. Build a driveway. Park it on your front lawn. Get a parking permit in Craptown. You just ain’t clogging up both sides of my streets any more.

Here’s another things that’s gonna happen … charger ports on both sides of laptops and other devices.

You wanna know why? Because that stupid charger port is never on the side you want it to be.

Sittin’ here right now … with my stupid charger … sittin’ there on the wrong side and being all dumb and bendy. That’s why they break, because they’re cheaply made and the want you to spend another $40 on one. And … my laptop has one of those magnetic charger thingies … so every time you move … YOINK!

Hey here’s an idea … just put it in the back. Now it’s never on the wrong side! AMAZING!!!

You know, not every change in Zackmeria is a major one. I understand. But these small changes add up. And again … don’t like it? All aboard the next train to Craptown … Enjoy!

Till next time Diary, I say goodbye.