Dear Diary …
I know this is gonna rub some people the wrong way because they’re all popular and for some warped reason people actually like them, but Pentatonix is the devil. And if you don’t know who Pentatonix are … oh my God you’re so lucky … can I live in your cave with you please?
But if you don’t actually know … they’re that accapella beatboxin’ bee-boppin’ whozomijanglin’ group of doofuses that won some kind of show … I don’t know … the Voice … or Sign Off … or America’s Got a Headache … one of those things … and they’re basically best known for destroying Christmas songs.
OK look … I’m not a hater … (OK … I’m totally a hater) … but I just wanna be clear … they’re super talented. Way more talented than me. But their talents are being used for evil, because they just HURT when I hear ‘em.
Diary … I love Christmas music … but when I got my Christmas music on I want …
[[[CHILL XMAS MUSIC STARTS]]
Ohhh yeah … there it is. Let’s hang out by the fire … have some egg nog … Merry Christmas baby.
But then all of a sudden you get … [[FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA]]
Ugh! Why are there so many people? Singing all at the same time!
[[FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA / MORE FA LA LA-ING]]
Ugh! So many fa-la-la’s … stop!
You see what I’m talking about? It’s like a headache. Why do they have to be … so … just … [[FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA]] … THAT?
Again … they’re talented … but I don’t want my Christmas music sounding like the loudest episode of “Glee.”
[[CAROL OF THE BELLS STARTS]]
And this one … there’s so many people making noise … all at the same … and who’s this low talkin’ guy?
Alright that it! Christmas is cancelled!
I’m sorry ya’ll … they stink. I’ve been to middle school Christmas concerts that were less hurty than Pentatonix. Even the name … it’s so SHARP … PPPP … PEN … TA … TON … Golf tee in your temple.
OK I can’t take it anymore. I’m outta here. Till next time Diary … I say … [[FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA]]