The Stupid Electric Bill

Dear Diary …

When you’re young … you got all these plans about how things are gonna be “different.” A lot of it has to do with your plans for parenting. You say dumb things like …

“Oh yeah … when I’m a parent … I’m in CHARGE! I’m not gonna be one of those parents that prepares like three different dinners a night. The children will do as I SAY!”

Yeah … sure … I remember sayin’ that one too. But then it’s dinner time and you just want these monsters to eat SOMETHING … chicken nuggets … mac and cheese … cat food. Whatever. So you do what you gotta do and that’s fine.

One I always remember was … “I’m not gonna be one of those crazy parents that complains about the electricity bill. That’s just ridiculous!”


What in the world is going on with the gas and electric bills? It’s like all of a sudden they got together and decided to raise the cost buy a million percent or something … not tell anybody … and then it’s … “Hey your gas bill is $600 this month. Surprise!”

I’m sorry, but that’s just wrong.

And I’m sure they got some bullpucky story about inflation or supply chain or having to upgrade the flongometers or whatever … but you should not be able to bend people over a barrel for services that they HAVE to pay for.

Like a Lamborghini … I get it. You can charge a ridiculous amount for it because I can … you know … just not buy it … but what am I gonna do instead of lights? Get candles like I’m Ben Franklin?

And here’s the part that always makes me mad …

Bunch of years ago … I forget the exact time … we had this REALLY mild winter. So people used their heat way less than normal. So you remember what the gas company did? They charged everybody like an extra $20 the next month saying, “well we didn’t take in as much money as normal so we need this for like … uhh … maintenance stuff and things.”

But then on the flip side … if it’s wicked cold one month … I don’t see a “hey we made a lotta money last month” rebate. Do you?

So you know what I’m gonna do about it?



Cuz there ain’t nothin’ to do. We can whine about it all we want, but … you want heat? Well there you go.

But hey on the bright side … think of all the money we’re saving right now because eggs are so cheap and affordable.

OK … is it too early to start drinking?

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye

Screw the Supply Chain

Dear Diary …

I hate excuses. It’s just such a wimpy way to wander thru life. Just accept responsibility for whatever happens and move on. Is that really THAT hard to do? Apparently it is, because we LOVE excuses, especially when we could find big blanket ones that all of society could lean on.

Remember when bullying became the big excuse for everything? Now don’t get me wrong, actual bullying is wrong and needs to be dealt with, but we started using the term “bullying” for everything. All of a sudden you were free to screw up, and if anybody called you out on it …

“They’re bullying me!”

No. You screwed up. All they did was point out that you screwed up.

“But it hurt my feelings. Bullying!”

Yeah … see … that’s what I’m talking about. Or like when everybody started using “COVID” for just about any excuse you wanted. Wanna flake out on plans? COVID. Wanna just not show up to work? COVID. Cheat on your wife? Uhhh …. COVID?

But here’s the one we’re in right now and I am straight up over it … “Supply Chain.”

We use “supply chain” for pretty much any excuse we want.

Why is a loaf of bread $5? “Uhhh … supply chain.”

And why is this shelf empty? “Oh you know … supply chain.”

No! No more supply chain. I get it … just like the bullying thing … there are times where it is the legitimate explanation, but we’re just using it as an excuse to get out of things.

Like let me give the grocery store a heads up right now … when Thanksgiving week gets here again … people are gonna buy more heavy cream, more butter, and more herbs. There! You have ONE YEAR to prepare because I guarantee you that next year people are gonna … again … buy more heavy cream, more butter, and more herbs. This will NOT sneak up on you!

And this is not a post-COVID thing … I remember VERY well that back in 2019 the same shelves were bare. This should not happen! You run a business right? And the goal of your business is to make money, right?

I mean … I’m no Jeff Bezos but if I own a business that sells heavy cream, butter, and herbs … I’m gonna make sure to have plenty of those things available when people wanna buy them so I can MAKE MORE MONEY.

Look at me … giving sage business advice! (Sage .. I should use that … it’s an herb.) Maybe I’ll write a book or something!

So don’t you “supply chain” me anymore. Look … just tell the truth … we don’t really wanna work harder so you’re just gonna get what you get and then we go home for the day. I respect that answer more already!

Till next time Diary … I say .. Goodbye.

Zack’s Solves the Supply Chain Crisis

Zack Solves the Supply Chain

Dear Diary …

I am here today to solve the global supply chain crisis. That’s right. ME! Not our world leaders or tech CEO Gods … they’re all busy fightin’ each other or flyin’ into space or whatever. So instead you get … this guy … radio man in southwest Virginia. And while that doesn’t seem like a big enough man for the job, sometimes it just takes one little guy to make a big difference.

OK … here goes … here’s how we solve the supply chain issues …

Stop making new stuff.

There you go … problem solved!

Here’s a little pro tip from a total amateur … if you’re the company that makes Triscuits. And you can’t keep regular Triscuits on the shelves … you don’t need to introduce things like pumpkin spice flavored Triscuits. Nobody wants those anyway!

Just make … gasp … regular Triscuits. In this time of crisis, ain’t nobody looking for “cracked black pepper” anyway.

And if you make white chocolate flavored anything … just stop. The world don’t want your flavor. Spend that time making regular chocolate or just branch out and make car microchips or something. We need those way more than white chocolate anyway.

People … there’s a reason why we’re never out of cauliflower crust pizzas at the store … they’re stupid! Just make the things we actually want and need … and then maybe someday down the road you can have silly extra side products.

And for the love of God we need more regular alcohol at the store! Have you watched the news sober? OK to be fair I don’t recommend watching the news drunk either … but you definitely don’t wanna watch it sober.

We don’t need cotton candy flavored vodka right now … we need whiskey. More whiskey!

There. Supply chain crisis solved. If you’re a company that makes something people want or need … just make it. Don’t be wasting your time on flashy “new and improved” stuff. We just want “old and the same” and we want to see it on the shelves when we get there.

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.