The Anger Diary That Never Happened

Dear Diary …

I’ve been writing in this Anger Diary for a long long time … and I’ve always had one problem pretty much since I started. And no, that problem isn’t me worrying about having something to write about. Fortunately for me (and unfortunately for the world), there’s always dumb people doing dumb things. So there’s pretty much always something to put in the Anger Diary.

The problem is … people and their “feelings.” There’s all sorts of things I totally want to write about, but I can’t, because the person I wanna call out in the Diary is too sensitive, or is gonna get all butt hurt, or they’re 9 years old and apparently it’s “mean” to put a child on blast in public. Ugh … fine! I won’t do it … but just know that you are totally ruining the enjoyment of everyone else!

Like right now … I have this GREAT Anger Diary I want to write that’s all about [mumbles] and the [mumble mumble] that they did the other day. But I can’t do it because then they’re gonna hear it and be all, “What? Why would you say that about me?”

And then I would have to lie and be all, “Oh no … it’s not true. I was just making that up for the Anger Diary!” When in fact it was TOTALLY true, and now you’re just making me be a liar to preserve your feelings.

That’s the thing man, we’re too sensitive now and I don’t like it. And it’s not that I think we should be mean to each other for no good reason, but if you are a dummy and you’re acting a fool, why can’t I let you know that? You’d think people would WANT to be told that they were doing something stupid so they would stop doing it, but noooooo … now you make one co-worker or kindergartener cry and YOU’RE the bad guy.


So yeah … this is the Anger Diary today … talking about how there’s something I WANT to talk about, but not actually telling you what it is. Feel unfulfilled? Feel ripped off? Well that’s YOUR fault, cuz you’re “feelings” are the thing that prevented this from happening.

And now I’m totally still gonna have to lie because everybody I know is now gonna say “so who was it that you wanted to talk about … was it me?” Nooo … of course not … it was totally somebody else.

(It was you.)

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.