The Toilet Seat Terror

Dear Diary …

We want to help those people, places, and things that need our help … right?  Well, there is something that is under attack right now that is powerless to defend itself.  It is just sitting there … helpless  … and yet it is being abused by the women of the world.  That’s right … this thing is specifically being targeted by the WOMEN of the world that simply will not stop abusing every toilet seat that they can get their ruthless and relentless booties on.

I don’t what is you ladies have against the toilet seat … but whatever it is you are doing makes those things so dang loose in every bathroom you come in contact with.

“Oh whatever … that’s unfair.  We have to sit every time we use the bathroom.”

While that may be true, it still doesn’t mean you gotta be so dang rough.  I sit down on a toilet seat on a regular basis, and you know what I do?  I gently sit down, and then get back up.  Never does the toilet seat move or loosen during this process.

So what are YOU doing, ladies?  Are you sitting down and then swaying yourself in to some sort of toilet seat groove pocket?  That’s what I have to assume because I have been in the ladies room at work … (Yes I have been in the ladies room at work … big whoop) … Point is that toilet seat in there is hanging by the tiniest of threads.  One TINY little tap and that thing is gonna fly right off into the corner of the bathroom.

And it’s not just this isolated incident.  I am CONSTANTLY tightening the toilet seats at my house.  How do they get so loose all the time?  Also … you wanna be all empowered and awesome females?  Then feel free to tighten the screw after you perform all of your booty-inspired seat-loosening activities!

Guys … I tell you what … I think we have become a victim of bathroom slander.  Women have led us to believe that we are the gross ones who always destroy bathrooms.  And when it comes to the smell … yeah well you got us there … but that’s about it.

I tell you this much … I have never seen a half drank Diet Coke in the men’s room, but I see one in the ladies’ room at work at least once a week.

Hmmmmm …

Or how ‘bout this?  When I was in college, there was a guy on my dorm room floor who’s girlfriend would use the bathroom and bring a giant bag of sour cream and onion potato chips in there with her.  I ain’t never seen a dude waltz into a bathroom with a giant bag of sour cream and onion potato chips before.  Just her!

Hmmmmm …

And you can ask just about anybody that’s ever worked in a nightclub which bathroom is grosser by the end of the night.  They’ll tell you the truth.

Hmmmmm …

Hey it’s all good, ladies.  You do you.  Just stop makin’ it seem like we guys are always the ones to blame.

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.