Dear Diary …
I know we like to say, “Never say never,” but sometimes you CAN actually say “never” because I do believe that NEVER in the history of recorded time, has it ever been a good time when your phone, computer, or app wants to do an update. Never not once!
Would you like to update your software right now? No! No I would not!
Shall I remind you in an hour? No! No you shall not!
Your timing is the worst. And you wanna know why? You only ask when I’m trying to use you!
Here’s a crazy idea … update when I’m NOT using you. And yes, I know you can set auto updates, and I DO set auto updates, and yet here we still are, dealing with your questions.
That’s the problem … not everything is auto. Here’s a crazy idea … 1am … when I’m not doing anything … update everything.
“But we need you to click OK on our 4,000 page user agreement”
Good lord … just steal my thumbprint and authorize it on my behalf! You steal my privacy for everything else already, so why are we doing this song and dance on a giant document we all know darn well I ain’t gonna read anyway. Just do the update!
Moving on Diary (speaking of bad timing) …Why does every kid on Earth pick the exact same time to make all of their most important and time consuming life decisions ? Furthermore … we all know what “time” that actually is … Bedtime.
Every single kid wastes away their entire day … and then five minutes before bedtime …
“I think I need to do my entire science project.”
“Maybe I’ll clean the basement, too.”
I mean just SHOCKING that at the time you’re supposed to be going to bed, suddenly NOW you’re inspired to make all of your life’s decisions. Perhaps you’d like to do your taxes? Decide on which college you’d like to attend? Map out some solid mutual funds? All two seconds before bedtime.
But God forbid you do anything at 3pm … that’s prime “iPad time wasting time” … can’t possibly do anything of value then!
And I’ll be honest … the main reason at play here is … I’M TIRED. I wanna go to bed! And is it so wrong of me to want like 15 minutes of grown-up, no kid time without you? Nah … kids are much happier if they suck you dry of all your waking moments from the second your eyes pop open until the second you fall asleep.
And then on the weekends, when I can actually stay up a little later, I have my daughter coming downstairs … “When are you guys going to bed?”
Later!! What’s it matter to you? Go to sleep!
Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye