Pull Up!

Dear Diary …

I’ve said this before, but clearly nobody is listening, so I will say it again … just louder … PULL UP!!!

That’s right … pull up. When you’re at the ATM and you’ve gotten your money … PULL UP. Don’t sit there … “Hey let me put this money in my wallet. Oh … then I gotta put this receipt somewhere. OK … Put the car in drive.”

No … no … no … no … NO!

You do all of those things AFTER you pull up and get out of the way, cuz I’m sittin’ here behind you twiddlin’ my thumbs. Oh don’t mind me … I have ALL the time in world to live by your schedule.

When you’re at the drive-thru … pull up!

I was behind a woman the other day at the drive-thru … and all I can assume is that it was the first time in her life that she had been to Taco Bell, because that’s what it felt like waiting behind her.

SO … many … questions.

Why so many questions?

“The number 4 … what’s in that?”

Ummm … the things on the screen next to the number four? How ‘bout that?

And God bless the person working the speaker, because they then asked the worst possible question … “Can I get you anything else?”

I know it seems like an innocent question that you could ask a normal human, but this was a cyborg who had never used a drive thru before because her response was …


Yeah this went on for a really long time … I’d say at least 10-15 seconds before she replied …



Nah??? After all that you deliver a “nah????”

Again … I understand that your life is absent of all meaning and urgency, but some of us wanna shove a beefy Frito burrito in our throats thank you very much!

And finally Diary … If you’re my wife … and you park in our driveway … PULL UP!!!

Look … I love my wife. She’s the love of my life … smart, beautiful, great Mom, business woman … but this chick leaves me hangin’ in the driveway all the time.

You see Diary … we have a driveway that has one row in, but then it splits to two spaces at the end so we can park our cars side by side. The only problem is … she never pulls her car up.

OK … not “never” … but enough times that I come home from work … and there she is … right in the middle of the driveway. “Oh I didn’t know you’d be home yet!”

Yeah … well … I am. And because she’s pulling back out soon to go back to work … now I gotta park on the street like some sort of peasant … or … get back outside and move my car when it’s time to go. Both of those are completely unacceptable first world problems, thank you very much.

Even worse are the times I get home first … park in my spot … only to wake up in the morning to have my car blocked in. Now I gotta play valet driver and move both cars … which at 4am … is torture. (Actually, everything at 4am is torture, but you get the point.)

“Oh I was going to move it later. I forgot.”

Here’s an idea … just PULL UP and park it in the spot to begin with!!! Why are we not just doing that?

Does your car feel happier parked in the middle of the driveway or something? Does it get scared all parked up in the corner?

And I’m sorry … but this is also a HUGE double standard here, because we all know darn well if me … the MAN … was the one doing this all the time … I would be considered the worst husband in the universe. But because she’s the one doing it, it’s more “Aw what’s the big deal? Just move your car and deal with it.”

No! I don’t wanna deal with it! You want equal rights? (And I absolutely agree that you should have them.) Then you gotta PULL UP in order to get ‘em.

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.