Dear Diary …
Hello and welcome to today. And on this day, I’m going to use my amazing psychic powers to make a prediction about EVERYBODY’S day. That’s right! I am going to correctly predict your day.
Doesn’t matter who you are … doesn’t matter what you have going on today. You can be at a job you don’t like … you can be at a job you DO like. You can be married and happy … married and miserable … or single. Whatever. I’m still going to correctly predict the day.
Because I’m going to do, is I’m going to tell you what your day is NOT. It’s NOT the “Worst Day Ever.” (Unless you have ebola … cuz that really sucks.) But other than that, I think I can correctly predict for 99 percent of you that it is NOT the “worst day ever.” So quit acting all whiny and claiming it’s the worst day ever.
You people who get all dramatic on social media need to relax!
“I have a toothache. Worst Day Ever”
No it is not! It might not be the best day ever, but big freakin’ deal. It’s called “life.” And life ain’t perfect, so quit your whining and deal with it.
Cuz I’m gonna let you in on a little secret … all that whining and complaining … it just makes things worse and the same loserish stuff is gonna happen to you over and over and over again until you break the cycle.
Like for example …. Here’s a Facebook status I’ll see a lot … “Looks like I’m just destined to be alone for the rest of my life.”
You know what? You probably are. Who would wanna go out with a sad sack like you.
“Nobody love me. I suck.”
Oh way to sell the sizzle! You know what’s attractive? Not that! If you’re going to act like that, you might as well just get yourself four or five kitty cat stick figure stickers for your car window and call it a day.
You have gotta get past this stuff and realize that today … no matter what happens … ain’t the worst day ever. But if you keep acting all pathetic, it definitely isn’t going to get any better. So do something about it and quit booo hooo hoooing to all your friends. And I think I speak for all of ‘em … we’re sick and tired of your drama and are gonna stop being friends with you if you don’t cut it out.
Think about it … if you have fun plans in mind … are gonna say “Hey let’s invite Theresa, the one who’s always miserable on Facebook … she’ll be the life of the party!” Of course not!
So that’s it … “Worst Day Ever” … Throw it away.
OK … moving on Diary … sticking with Facebook. Yes, I’ve come to accept that the thing is a necessary evil. I wish it wasn’t as popular and important as it is both personally and professionally … but it is. I can accept that. But what I refuse to accept is Facebook trying to force me to download nine different apps onto my phone all dealing with the same thing … Facebook!
Now they want me to have Facebook, Facebook Pages, Facebook Mentions …
And don’t even get me started on Facebook Messenger and how insanely invasive and shady it is. Facebook Messenger gives them permission to do just about anything they want on your phone … make calls, texts, record audio, take pictures … the list goes on.
But on an even simpler level, I’m even madder at the app for saying to me “Hey Zack … we’re making it easier than ever for you to access your messages!”
You know what was easier? One app! For everything!!!!
More is not easier. More is more. Don’t talk to me like I’m a moron that can’t figure out you’re just blowing smoke up my bum and trying to dominate every crevice of my life so you can turn around and sell it to advertisers.
I keep sayin’ it … people … You seen Terminator when the robots rise up and take over? Better go to the store and stock up on canned goods and ammo … cuz the Facebook army is coming to get us all.
But hey … in that gloom and doom, would you like one silver lining? When it does happen, and the robots rise up and take over and make us all their slaves … That day … THAT’S the “Worst Day Ever,” so you’ll finally be able to use that one and have it be true.
Yay?
Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye