Those Are My Snacks

Dear Diary …
I do the grocery shopping for the family.  That’s fine.  I do most of the cooking.  So I should be the one getting the ingredients.
I’m also good at saving money.  That’s another big reason.  Send my wife to the grocery store and we’ll spend $75 on four apples and a box of crackers.  I’m not sure how that even works, but whatever … I do the shopping and it’s a non-issue.
Now to be clear … *I* make the trip to the store, *I* pick out the items, and *I* pay for them with money that *I* earn at work.
So when I come home with a can of Pringles that my son asked me to get for him … and I eat a couple … why am I hearing …
“Daddy … don’t eat those.  Those are MINE!”
Excuse me?
The Pringles that I drove to the store for … pulled off the shelf with my own hands .. and then paid for with MY money … those belong to you???
I don’t think so!
At the risk of sounding like a cliche´ dad from a comedy movie … You live in MY house and you eat MY food that I pay for with MY money!  I own you, child!
I merely give you permission to eat my morsels.  And if I wanna eat me a Pringle … I’m gonna eat me a Pringle!!
Snacks don’t belong to you.  Snacks belong to me.
OK … moving on Diary … speaking of ingrates …
We keep a bunch of random snacks in our office.  They’re for … well .. when you’re hungry.  They’re snacks.  Duh.
Well we have numerous co-workers who … much a like a rat looking for a piece of cheese at the end of the maze … Use our collection of snacks as said piece of cheese that they are looking for.  Naturally they don’t ever contribute to the bounty of snacks, but instead just use it as their own personal Old Country Buffet when we aren’t around.
You know what?  Whatever.  It’s not that big a deal, but then I hear this from one of them …
“Ugh … you guys only have crunchy peanut butter?  I hate crunchy peanut butter!”
Oh YOU hate crunchy peanut butter?  The free crunchy peanut butter that you mooch off of us?
You don’t like it?  BUY SOME CREAMY YOU INGRATE!!!!
I don’t understand people and the level of things they will complain about.  Here’s a true story from a friend of mine in the radio business …
His radio station did a contest where somebody could win a seven day Caribbean cruise.  FREE.
So they select a winner, and when he contacts her, the FIRST thing she said was …
“Well I’m gonna have to take off work!  What am I supposed to do?”
Shut up and go on the cruise.  That’s what you’re supposed to do.
I’m very sorry we have inconvenienced you with this free trip to paradise.  Please accept my deepest apologies for doing such a horrible thing to you, ya ingrate.
Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.